Biting the Bullet and Facing the Music

Life is full of tough choices. Some are tough to make. Others are tough to live with. But the hardest ones are those that we avoid making — sometimes for years. You keep dancing around a choice like this, pretending it’s not there, but deep in your heart you are fully aware of its existence. And one day you realize that unless your stop the lulling music and face that hard, bloody painful choice, you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what would’ve been like to make it. You know that once you make this choice, there will be no way back. You’ll be walking down the path leading you to the truth — and that truth may turn out to be truly ugly. But not facing it means living your life a coward. And such a life isn’t worth much, no matter how shiny it may look to others.

I’ve been dancing around a choice like this for my entire adult life. Now my time is running out. It’s always been, but now it has gotten to the point where not making the choice means giving up. So I’m making it. There’s no way back. There’s just a path to walk. And at the end of it lies the truth. Whether ugly or beautiful, it is there and I’ll see it pretty soon.

I’m going to be busier than I’ve ever been, so I’ll be out for a while. So I wanted to stop by and tell everyone who cares that I haven’t forgotten about any of you. I appreciate all the messages you’ve sent to me while I was out and all the kind words you’ve said. This means a lot to me. And I’m stopping by to say “later”, not to bid farewell. I don’t know when is “later” is going to be, but I plan to be back.

I can only smile at all the fresh rumors and speculations related to my identity. People claiming to know who I am, don’t understand the irony of their claims. I, myself, don’t know who I am. But I’m about to find out. It’s so much easier to live believing you’re a genius who failed to realize his potential, than knowing that you are simply a mediocrity with groundless aspirations. But I’d rather die knowing that I gave it all and failed, than spend my life living a sweet comforting lie.