To everyone who knows what I mean.
Don’t give it up.
THE DREAM
When I was a kid I had a dream
Though I didn’t call it that way
At times it would glimmer, at times it would gleam
But it was with me every day.
Then childhood was over, you know how it feels,
And the rest of the life began.
And somebody told me that dreams don’t pay bills
And I traded my dream for a plan.
My life is so decent,
I’m smiling because I can
But some weird emptiness grows inside
That wasn’t part of the plan.
My days were full of people and words,
And sleep often seemed like a prize.
The facets of shining in distance awards
Kept whispering, “Reach for the skies!”
The ride wasn’t always as smooth as a glide
Though life often felt like a waltz,
I found my place and I found my stride,
And I traded my plan for goals.
My life is so decent,
I’m smiling because I can
But emptiness grows inside me slowly
That wasn’t part of the plan.
Sometimes at night when time is so slow
There’s this moment when
I’m asking myself if the dream I let go
Was part of somebody’s plan?
As moments keep calmly marching away
There’s one thing I know
There will be a day I will find my way
To the dream I had years ago.
Unmaskd 
God that’s beautiful. It’s also a nice reminder that wherever your life takes you, it can’t take away the dream. Many things may take priority but as long as your alive so is your dream. When juggling many things in life sometimes you have to put the dream down, but if it was a true dream, you’ll never forget where you left it, you just have to retrieve it.
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To me, the picture says it all. Two paths. 😉
Thank you for the poem and for your words. I have battled with myself many times over giving up dreams, but there are dreams of many sizes and magnitudes. The dream is like the piece of gold sparkling once you’ve strained through the rocks and the dirt. You’re left with that shiny treasure…The dream. The sifting process is sometimes long and it’s hard not to tire out. Very
hard. So thanks for the reminder and motivation. It’s like I told a *friend*, one should never go on the journey alone. We all need passengers to help us along.
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Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you….
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“Though life often felt like a waltz.” Wonderful…
Reading through this I couldn’t help but put it to music in my head. To me it feels nostalgic and reminiscent, but not hopeless. Seems that this character is becoming more aware of themself as time passes, as I think we all do.
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Adam, it’s pretty amazing that you could pick it up. There’s indeed music to it (as is to any rhyming text I’ve ever produced) and I can’t get it out of my head for a few days now. What’s more interesting is that “nostalgic and reminiscent, but not hopeless” is exactly how I would describe it.
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THAT’S why I put up the *evocative* child-of- mine lyrics!
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Nice pic…looks V like the *40 Shades of Green*
(in fact it looks like a place just down the road!)
The parallel path in the same direction is V evocative of 2 people trundling along IN the same direction towards the middle distance…
*Maybe they meet: Maybe they don’t*
Maybe paths converge: Maybe they don’t*
Either way it kinds helps to know there are others headed in pretty much the same direction…*
Quote…
‘I ask myself if the dream I let go
Was part of somebody’s plan?’
>>>Perhaps U had to have your plans established and your foundations laid…B 4 U could revert to the *Dream* of your youth…
U will get onto the track U wish for…& for some reason I feel the unmaksd process is gonna facilitate U in finding your INTERNAL & ETERNAL *Dream* destination…
Though some would say U have found it already…It just goes to show that from the outside looking in things are always Soooo different than from the inside looking out…
The grass maybe always be greener in the middle distance…but we have to tread the time worn path immediately before us in order to get there…
(BTW if Being heard, Bilocation & Time travel were part of your *design* U R doing V welll … No one would *know* who U R at this stage haha)
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*Dreams*
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Oops that was meant to be *Dreams* by Fleetwood Mac
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Control your own destiny or someone else will. Jack Welch
(sorry abt posts above…it was meant to be *Dreams* by Stevie Nicks)
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wow. that really hit me good.
I am really struggling with life/love at the moment, everything I love, everything I know is falling apart.
That poem/song is fantastic, so real, so damn true.
You may have a ‘celebrity status’ which can make people think you are invincible, but this blog just proves that you are just like the rest of us, just an ordinary person with hopes, battles, struggles and dreams.
Thank You for sharing xox
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Don’t struggle *Rockangel* BY next April you will be in a really different/cool place within and without…step by step until then…
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hmmmm Sarah, thanks, i hope you are right…
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Goosebumps and an ache in the heart. That is exactly where I’m at. I chose the other road and I keep looking back.
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Really inspiring. Thank you for sharing this.
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Fulfilling dreams is timeless in the span of a life. They are always appropriate at any age. I’d like to think if a dream didn’t happen when you really wanted it, maybe the wait will make you appreciate it all the more when it finally happens.
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Btw, nice poem 🙂
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“Sometimes at night when time is so slow
There’s this moment when
I’m asking myself if the dream I let go
Was part of somebody’s plan?”
Of course it was part of the plan! Although it hurts. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. There is a destiny for all of us. Even in a bad situation, something(s) good can come from it and helps us see that we couldn’t/shouldn’t take it back if we could! It happened for a reason..for the good things that came about and probably to teach us a lesson and/or toughen us up. And if you ask me, there is no reason why your “plan” (life) can’t live in harmony with your dream someday 🙂 It will happen, and the fact that you are now acknowledging that it will…makes it even more certain.
Sometimes we want something SO badly that we can taste it. We can feel it in on our fingertips and we just want to grab hold, squeeze tight and run away with it, never letting go. Trust me, I KNOW. Sometimes what I want I can feel so strongly that it reaches up out of my heart and grabs my throat so that it’s hard to breathe! But if the desire is strong enough, you will overcome. I’ve come to know many things about you in the past 3 months (as many have) and have come to care very much what you say and how you feel. I hope that this feeling of emptiness (or something’s missing) is filled with completion soon. You’re a great soul and you deserve it. I know that from the outside looking in, many people think that you have it all in your masked life and have no reason to ever complain. But just remember that you are a human living among the rest of us and you’re thoughts and feelings are just as valid as the next person’s! Keep your head up..keep reaching for the stars..keep walking down the path and someday (I think soon), you will discover your dream. Completion 🙂 XOXO
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Well said, Ashley! I completely agree and you have a very positive take thant makes me feel optomistic about the future. I think we have all lost a dream at one point or another, so we can easily relate to Unmaskd’s poem. Thanks for posting! 🙂
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wow…i’m usually just a voyeur on your blog – ya know look but don’t say anything – but I couldn’t help but speak on this.
This is amazing! I feel a little lost right now, trying to find my way back to my dream and this poem really speaks to my soul. I tweeted something about dreams not paying bills but to make a plan that gets you to a place where your dream can pay the bills. That’s what I’m trying to do right now. It’s just good to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way.
Thanks for sharing.
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You are a gift…Thank you.. this are such an amazing words..
“There will be a day I will find my way
To the dream I had years ago.”
I know i will..Thank you.. Really..THANK YOU
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I’m asking myself if the dream I let go
Was part of somebody’s plan?
After watching the stupidest movie ever… Serendipity (p.s. not the stupidest movie ever… I’m just bitter about all things love right now) I gathered that you can’t plan a dream. You can only let “fate” take you to the things you already know to be true about your dream.
Sometimes I feel like I’m a star reaching for the earth instead of the reverse of that.
weird.
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That poem is so straightforward I didn’t even have to work to analyze it (and you know how much I like to use those analytical skills of mine). Maybe it’s so simple because I can relate so well to what you’re saying. My dream is to write and if you know anything about writers, you know most of them really can’t pay the bills by writing. I’ve decided I can live with that. If I have to work two jobs to pay the bills and write on the side, that’s what I’ll do. As for you, don’t ever stop pursuing that dream, whatever it may be. Do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Life is too short to go through it feeling like you’re not really not living it.
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This is great. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
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“But emptiness grows inside me slowly
That wasn’t part of the plan.”
I can feel the above lines so much that it’s painful to read them. The poem was great. Thank you.
I keep hope close, but it’s everywhere, too: the picture is filled with fresh terrain on which to blaze new paths. That’s hope for me.
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‘She’s got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I’d stare too long
I’d probably break down and cry
etc…
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Picture commentary:
It is the worn bed where the man lay dreaming the other dream even amongst the lush grassy field and unlimited expanse of the sky of his life.
He once lay there looking for answers staring blankly in the right direction while in his life the seasons come and go. The spring rain falls freely washing his pain with the passion of thunder and lightning but does not fill the empty longing, the sun shines and makes him feel warm and alive for a while until the leaves cover him as he hides waiting for the breeze to send them away. Left with the white cold blanket of his loneliness. This season the green pasture speaks of that which was not right in his right life bringing him to a stronger longing, greater anticipation.
The muddy compact of the man’s legs you see here mark the path he left into the soft green pasture to face the way the night goes out of the dormant, barren part of his heart.
———
Unmasked, thanks for sharing the words of your heart with us. Such an honest story of the journey of your dreams. It has hope and the resolution of knowing someday will come.
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Don’t you think some dreams don’t even show themselves until you’re in the thick of them? Sometimes a dream smacks you in the face and goes “Yooohoooo! Here I am!”
When I was younger I had lots of lofty ideas and fantasies about what I thought I wanted and who I wanted to be. Fast-forward several years and the best thing in the world happened: I became Mom.
I’m an educated person with an incredibly fulfilling career I love, but my kids are the two best dreams I didn’t even know I dreamed.
It takes a long time to find real contentment, to be completely satisfied with where you are, who you are, and where you’re going. I never really felt like I “got anywhere” until I learned how to appreciate right here, right now. Does that mean I have stopped dreaming? Of course not. But now I know that if I spend all my time wishing and hoping for something else, I might miss what’s right in front of me. And well, that would just suck.
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LOVE this. Every time I’m brought back to the present moment it has a very ‘woosh’-ing effect. Just manages to create a space for perspective and a chance to breathe. It can be stepping out onto my fire escape to watch the sunset and city go by, or closing my eyes, or just allowing myself the liberty of pausing to say Thanks, just- thanks. We here all lucky enough to have a solid enough base to be able to work from but even so, the present moment belongs to everyone…
don’t lose it…
Keeping it in balance with the future may be tricky at times when uncertainties override but…..
woosh
what could be THAT important?
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Then childhood was over, you know how it feels,
And the rest of the life began.
And somebody told me that dreams don’t pay bills
And I traded my dream for a plan.
This is exactly my issue.. the one I have been struggling with lately.
Knowing what I know now, having the skills that I’ve developed over the last decade, I want my dream back. I know that it will pay my bills now.
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Well hello there, my life.
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Sometimes at night when time is so slow
There’s this moment when
I’m asking myself if the dream I let go
Was part of somebody’s plan?
As moments keep calmly marching away
There’s one thing I know
There will be a day I will find my way
To the dream I had years ago.
I’ve read this several times and everytime I keep seeing “WAS part of somebody’s plan?” as “IS part of somebody’s plan?” Its amazing how one word can totally change the meaning.
I choose to read it in the present tense meaning “is hopeful” versus past tense “was hopeful.” Time may run slow sometimes, but the one thing it’s consistent at is it always moves forward and it doesn’t look back. It leaves that job to us. We learn a lot from being retrospective but the trick is not letting it block our prospective wants, needs, and expectations. I’m a huge believer in the saying “We are our own worst enemy” and think the difference in the words “is” and “was” is a huge player in that concept.
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Unmaskd,
That was absolutely beautiful and a great answer to my post (as well as many others’ posts) on inspiration. It is a longing feeling to know that you have given up a dream and joined the “real world.” It can be very painful at times to look back at what could have been; but I have a strong belief that everything happens for a reason. Much like: “I’m asking myself if the dream I let go, was part of somebody’s plan?” Thank you for opening this dialogue to us because the support of many (and validating that we are not alone in our life paths and little tangents) can make life’s trail a little less bumpy.
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Thanks Carter. This indeed, was a direct answer to you, Karin, Randi, River, Zuie, Ashley and many others who’ve replied to my posts and shared their stories. These stories — all you unique and all similar are moving and powerful. Had not not been for them there would’ve been neither this post, nor resolutions that some blog readers seem to have made.
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“As moments keep calmly marching away
There’s one thing I know
There will be a day I will find my way”
This is the part that touched me the most. I’m one of the younger readers – so I’m still in the funky part of life.
I once had a discussion about fleeting moments with someone, and often a favorite musician of mine touches on that very subject so powerfully I can’t help but wonder if we’re always living in the past.
I enjoy moments, but moments are often moving faster than I am. I try to keep up, but am always aiming to lead them, not just follow behind. The “Calmly marching away” is absolutely phenomenal, and I mean, the perfect way to describe what I have been trying to for so long. Moments aren’t fleeting – the are in constant motion. They calmly stick to the path given, they give you the opportunity to enjoy them, or let them pass by, they let you join the march for as long as you can match the rhythm.
I loved this very much.
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I think in a short period of time this has outgrown itself as an experiment and has become so much more. This blog allows me the courage to admit things to myself and to say/write them out loud. You’ve created a safe haven for people to tell their stories and to verbalize their thoughts, fears and insights. While you’ve mentioned that we’ve given you more than you’ve given us -I think is just incredibly wrong. You’ve given us a community of people who understand each other and in understanding we know we’re not alone in our thoughts, dreams, and fears. You’ve created an endless tunnel of support (definitely more than many of us might have thought when we signed up for this journey), and just knowing that we’re not alone and are supported will help many of us in our journey to discover and realize our dreams. I believe someday you can look back and realize this experiment is a dream unto itself. What could be a bigger/better dream than to have helped so many people actualize theirs in a safe and supportive environment. So thank you for creating this amazing forum of open dialog. There is no greater gift than that of reassurance in knowing that not only are we not alone but there are many people here who understand and don’t judge. Not being told what I should do, how I should do it, and what I should be feeling carries with it what I believe could feel like peace and to me this is priceless. So Thank You.
Randi
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Randi,
Very well said and I agree wholeheartedly 🙂
XOXO
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‘ When the rain washes you clean you’ll *know* ‘
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Wow, how we feel is how we feel no matter how much success we’ve seen. Goals and plans are great, but even with them, the distractions can be maddening. Stay true Unmaskd! Live your truth no matter how long it takes.
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It’s funny or sad depending on how you view things that goals and dreams are often confused for being the same thing when in fact they are not. A goal is something one achieve by going from point A to B while going after a dream is a journey.
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I hope it’s ok that I’m posting it here. A few months ago I planned a trip abroad to see my favorite musician. It was my dream to see him, and I put everything I had mentally and financially into this trip. I ended up going, but the show was canceled, and it taught me a lot. It made me reassess and rearrange the stuff in my head, and in my life. I’m not saying that’s the only dream I had, I have a goal in life and dreams I want to come true, but this was something I had in the palm of my hands, and for some reason, without being able to control it, vanished. After it happened, I felt so helpless, and I wanted to do something that will maybe give me closure so I can let go. So I wrote the musician a letter, and I’m posting it here now.
I’m sorry if it’s too long, I just needed it to be put out there.
Where do I begin? I’ve been sitting here for a while now, trying to organize the mess in my head. I feel like there’s so much I want to say, need to say, yet I know I’m going to forget most of it. I need to give it a shot anyway, I owe it to myself.
I know I’m one of thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands. I’m no more special than any other fan, and I don’t have anything new to share about your music that I guess you haven’t already heard. But this is my letter, from my corner of the world, and so I wanted to share my feelings with you. Maybe you’ll get it. Chances are you’ll sympathize, shrug it off and go on to think about the next concert, or the next cereal you’ll eat when you get hungry. That’s just how the world works I guess.
My name is Adi. I’m 25 years old, and I was born and raised in Israel. I graduated from Tel-Aviv University with a B.A in Political Science and French, and I’m currently an M.A student in Jerusalem’s Hebrew University for International Relations, although next year I plan on taking a year off to work and save money. I ask myself every day if I’m living it right, and this time the answer leaned too much towards the negative side, so I decided to take a little break. What else? I’m a vegetarian, and I love animals probably more than I love people.
About four months ago, in February, I bought a ticket to your concert in Amsterdam. I asked the people I love if anyone is willing to go with me, but they all had various excuses. Eventually, following a really crappy couple of weeks I’d been having at the time, I decided that I needed to take the “screw the world” approach, so I bought two tickets on the first day of the pre-sale, and figured I’d either find someone to go with (friends or even go with someone I’d meet online), or I’d just sell the second ticket and go abroad alone. I just knew that I needed to do something that was purely for me, selfish, and that would make me really, really, REALLY happy. Your music was just it. Once the tickets were purchased, my friend Lian, a fellow fan, surprisingly agreed to come with me, and we planned a whole trip around it. I’ve been holding on to these tickets for months, and whenever I had a crappy day, I’d take a look at those tickets and smile.
Enough about me, though. Let’s talk about the concert a little. Do you know the feeling where you have this great love, and for a while there it’s amazing and so right, there’s warmth in your heart, it’s whole and complete, and everything just falls into place? But then one day you realize that despite all that is right and good about this love, you have to let it go. So you do, and you’re left with that horrible feeling of leaving a part of you behind, an important part of you, so important that it tears you up inside. You leave it behind, and you know what you’ve missed. You know that you’ve missed something so spectacular, so breath-taking that you can’t even put it in words. Anything you try to say or write will just take the importance of it away, diminish its value. Everyone around you will never truly get it. They will sympathize and feel bad for you and even tell you things you’d want to hear but they don’t actually mean them, they’ll say those things to make themselves feel right about their actions. And all this time, you’re left there with that awful feeling of, I want to say missing out, but it’s much, much more than that.
When I found out about the concert’s cancellation, I felt like a part of me was being ripped apart. I had missed such a great opportunity, one that I’ve been planning for months now. My expectation rate was high, way high, probably a lot higher than it should have been. It felt as though someone has taken all that energy and expectation that I’d been gathering up all these months, and blown it up like you blow up a balloon with a pin.
Then, of course, came the most obvious question of all – Why? Why had I chosen to fly to a show, and from all the number of shows that don’t get cancelled, this one was? It didn’t matter that there were other shows cancelled too. You only see your situation when things like these happen. You get selfish. Again, that’s how the world works. So, I started asking myself more questions – was it because I was irresponsible enough to spend practically every dime I had on this trip, tutoring and working part-time jobs and using that money for the trip, instead of using it to pay the bills? Was it because I was selfish enough to miss my sister and my sister-in-law’s birthdays? Was it because I got so excited the first day we’d gotten to Amsterdam and went into a music store where your CD had been playing, that I bragged to the sales girl that I was going to your concert in just 2 days? Was it because I had missed a week’s classes and left myself no time to write a paper due in 3 days? Is Karma THAT big of a bitch??
I have no idea why I love your music that much. When you think about it, there are so many musicians out there, so much of everything. Just like you meet certain people in your life, you love certain artists, and certain songs. You don’t choose this love, it chooses you. You got an amazing gift. You create music that actually makes the world a better place for a lot of people. I listen to your songs and feel like you know me. I love remembering how I felt the first time I’d heard a certain song, whether my reaction to the lyrics and to the music had been “EXACTLY!!!”, or “HUH???!!!” Every song has a unique connotation to me, a unique meaning, and even if a lot of people share the same emotions about these songs, these emotions are also mine and mine alone. I love how your music challenges me. It makes me smile. It makes my mouth drop. It makes my heart sink, and rise. It makes me cry. It makes me FEEL. It makes me dance like a geek. It makes me sing completely off-key, but I love that, because what’s life if not being an out-of-tune geek?
I’ve already experienced that sense of unbelievable post-concert high. I’ve seen Coldplay twice so far. Their music makes me feel pretty much like yours does, only I think on a slightly lower level. That’s how I know exactly what I’ve missed. I’ve missed one of the greatest feelings a person can ever feel. That feeling of looking back at one of the most amazing, life-altering days of your life, a day that when you remember it, any crappy, sad, or angry feeling just goes away with a blink of an eye, replaced with pure joy and full appreciation of the world. I missed watching an amazing guitarist, an amazing band, but most importantly, in my opinion, an amazing human-being that has given me so much without knowing it. All those tears I shed afterwards, that’s what they were for.
I probably won’t be seeing you in concert any time soon. That was pretty much a one-time opportunity for me, at least for a while. It felt so right, seeing you now. The timing was so wrong, yet so freaking right.
I’m sorry. For me, for you, for my friend who was supposed to go with me and who’s been waiting for this for so long as well. I need to let go of the anger, the sadness, the disappointment, the frustration. I think I need to stick to that ever-so-annoying cliché of “Everything happens for a reason” (god, that person who first said that needs to be beaten up, too bad they’re probably already dead).
I’m hoping this letter will give me closure. I guess I’m writing it more for myself than for you. I need to feel like I’ve done everything I possibly can after this unfortunate (understatement, but there you go) situation I got caught up in.
Just like I didn’t know where to begin this letter, I have no clue how to end it.
I guess that despite everything, I’ll end with a Thank You. I’ve learned a lot, from you, from your music, from this whole situation. I don’t regret the choices I’ve made. I’d make them all over again (unless I’d know in advance you were about to cancel the show of course. I’m not THAT stupid). And despite the fact that it’s been hard to listen to your music since, I know in my heart that if someone told me that there’s a concert tomorrow and offered me tickets and a way to get there, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second. Ok, well, maybe JUST for a second, while I finish swearing you for the last concert of yours I was supposed to go to.
See you someday, I hope.
Adi
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Are you kidding me with posting this here about John Mayer. Why don’t you send this to Mick Management. Did you read the responses that have been given regarding the poem. This is a discussion regarding a poem. You have a right to write this musician and express your thoughts but this didn’t add anything to the discussion.
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You know what, I considered deleting this post but decided against it. I never said it was John Mayer. The letter is not about the musician, it’s about what this experience meant to me. Don’t tell me where to send it. It was a dream I had that never came true for me, even though it’s not a life plan, it’s the attempts to achieve something you have wanted for a long time.
I think it’s relevant for this post, and if you don’t agree, just move on and skip this part.
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Adi: I get your disappointment and anger. I am sure it is frustrating to put so much on another person and have disappointment with no explanation. And I get that you are reaching out in any way possible to connect with that person and relay that disappointment.
I think the unmaskd=John Mayer thing has been played out (pun intended), so a better place for you open letter to Mayer would be Mayer’s tumblr,or as Felicia suggested, contact his management.
However, I think what is worth discussing is how our dreams are always contingent on people or circumstances out of our control. We can do all the right things, take the necessary action, only to have disappointment that has nothing to do with what we did or did not do.
How do we cope with it when it happens is one question, and I so feel for you, Adi.
BUT another question is how do we continue to go after a dream when we know this can happen and there is nothing we can do about it? Society is full of books and talk show guests who tell us if we want it badly enough it will happen for us, whatever “it” is. But that is not the case. Using the case at hand, for every John Mayer there are thousands of just as talented musicians working in their local music store and never getting the big break.
So I am curious as to how people continue to go forward and not just say, “ah fuck it, it’ll never happen, where’s my Prozac? ”
Is it by ignoring the negatives?
Or telling ourselves we are special and it WILL happen for us?
Or telling ourselves if we never try we can ensure it will never happen, so logically we should try?
Or do we go with the “it is the journey, not the destination” thing?
Just wondering. I seem to go through each of them about once a day 😉
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@karin I appreciate what a grounded perspective you shared. I find myself asking many of the same questions each day, as well.
The one that pops up often without invitation is….
When your dream is right before you and all you hoped and wished for has been achieved, yet your still left with the emptiness, does this mean you need to hang on and still try to create a masterpiece? Or do you simply go back to the drawing board?
Sometimes, I’m left with entirely too many questions at the end of the day and the thought of a blank canvas is much more daunting than the pristine “stay-in-the-lines” (emotionless) piece of work that lay before me. I often wonder if the real dissatisfaction enlies within the dreamer or the dream itself? I’m gonna keep working on this one. Maybe taking a step back and watching the dreamer dream will give me a little perspective.
Thank you all for somehow giving me permission to ask myself some of these questions, even if there is not an exact answer. 🙂
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found this interesting…
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elena-brower/art-of-attention-stand-st_b_636973.html?ref=twitter
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Good article–thanks for sharing…so appropriate in this learning we’re all doing!
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hey friends ! I am just starting out in my dream of being a stand up comic. This was a real big week for me, I had 5 shows so far this week. I have a show this Friday in LA at the COMEDY STORE and the only store I have to sell tickets. They call it bringer shows when you start out. I need your guys help w my dream. I have to sell 10 tic for my show $15. If any of you masked dreamers can help me with my dream that would be amazing and I would be so Greatful if you could help me. here is my email
amycheps@gmail.com
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Best of everything Amy! Jump in there and shine!
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Unmaskd, you’re taking us step by step through this process and it’s working–uncomfortably working! I didn’t think I had anything to deal with, but this “homework” is making me more aware of my truth. You hit every nail precisely on the head in each post. Kudos to you on your impeccable writing skills. It’s taking me time to think and digest it all and then something just clicks out of the blue and the realization comes.
Today was the biggest resolution for me that goes back to childhood and the answer stems surprisingly from my “Best Day” video post and not really understanding why it had such an impact on me. I knew of this pattern I saw in my life and always wondered why a equaled b under certain circumstances and I didn’t think there were any issues to resolve with my mom. Because of this digging deeper and writing my thoughts here along with all this thinking, I started getting the inclination of why and today the revelation came. This also tied into my beliefs and the way I’m currently living my life and truly understanding my source of stuckness/frustration I’ve lived with because of it. The result was a feeling of freedom, acceptance and letting go to be able to move on. Finally the question of “why” has been answered on the one thing that was always unanswered.
Is this stuff supposed to be happening Unmaskd? Is it part of the process you have planned…do you have to clear out the clutter of your mind and know the answers why to be able to find who you are and what you’re supposed to be doing in order to prepare for your future success? Man this is good stuff–thank you for your wise words and prompts! I know I keep saying that, but it’s really helping me move to the next level and be a better me.
So in the past few days, I discovered that my dream is right now, fulfilling the dream I had since I was 12—being a wife and mom. Then I looked at it from the viewpoint of is it the picture I had in my mind’s eye and I looked at me. I’ve always been aware of the thing I didn’t like about my situation…you have no idea how it feels to not be the one taking care of your children, especially when they’re babies because of work—most working women would probably agree it is painful. I have to admit that I’ve been blessed to work from home and make a decent wage for the content of what I do, but my heart ached to be with my kids while a babysitter took care of them. Today I let go of that and accepted my situation to decide if I am I living my dream well regardless of the circumstances. I realized why I do what I do and why I don’t do what I don’t do and it branched out into a few areas of my life and tied them all together for me. (I’m not sure any of this is making any sense to anyone but me, but maybe it will help some of you if it does make sense to you).
Overall, my life is a good life, it’s happy and I feel very loved. Then I questioned, is there more I’m supposed to be doing? I do think there are a lot of lost, lonely people out there trying to find fulfillment. I dare to say I am not one of them–I feel fulfilled in my simple life but is it at the self-actualization point and am I giving enough to share my passion in life. I’m not talented in writing, music, art, etc. but enjoy freedom of expression and enjoying the arts. I am passionate about health and love learning about it, trying my best at walking my talk and sharing it with others. I don’t have a gift that will make me famous, nor would I want to be in the spotlight–I’ve always looked at myself as a behind the scenes kind of person with a passion to share what I’m passionate about. I do have a daydream to make life better and it is: doing something for a short time/once to pay off the house and have a residual income so I could live a better dream and passion. So, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my passion yet. I want to go back to school but I am waiting until the kids get a little older–the hubby does not want me to yet because it will take away from family life—I know, bring it to the hour glass. I have to figure out what I want as the end result in how to share my passion for health. Now you’ve got me questioning, am I supposed to leave a mark in this world attached to my name that is significant on a larger scale? Do I have more to offer others beyond my caring and green smoothies within my little circle? If I did do something really significant with my passion for health, my fear is perhaps holding me back because of the place it could take me—away from my dream—or is the fear something else? Would helping one person at a time add up to helping a lot over a lifetime? Do I want to aim to do something like Charlotte Gerson? Can I go through life somewhat anonymously even if I become well known for my work? The door has been opened to exploring. Oddly enough, our front door has been broken for several months and it got worse and worse to the point of not even being able to open it–one was ordered and it came in and was installed today. I honestly thought I had it all together because I struggled through those teen years and 20’s and figured it out. Am I supposed to be a human being or a human doing more? Is it all about sharing your gift? If health is my thing, then yes, I influence my circle and share it with the strangers I pass in my life that seem to be searching for answers. Is the answer in helping children to make an impact on their lives early for a better future world? I am not living to my full potential. I knew it but now I KNOW it.
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You know something “Unmaskd”? I’m having a hard time getting a grip on any one “dream” I could have ever had. I’ve had about a billion of them… and I’ve gone after each and every one. I went far enough with all of them to feel a sense of accomplishment and self satisfaction that I know I can do anything I set my mind to. But I never went “all the way” with any one of those dreams. Maybe I just have commitment issues 🙂
It’s rare that I dream at all these days… which is actually pretty nice. It’s peaceful. I don’t feel like I have to dream about anything at all.
I used to dream about love. The real kind… the one movies, songs, and all of the universe speaks about. I believe it exists, but I don’t dream about it anymore. It was the last thing on my list to become numb to. Now I just question those little things that make me feel not so numb. I wonder if they are jolts of “love” trying to keep me alive and dreaming. I can never tell… but I know that if I can just numb myself enough, I won’t have to take the chance of my *love dream* being taken. No, I’ll place it on a shelf to look at with all the other dreams I’ve attempted.
I often feel like there is something terribly wrong with me and the way I think and feel, or don’t feel.
Really I’m just afraid to live out my own life. I’m actually terrified of my childhood dream… it’s WAY back there… all innocent and not dead yet. I hardly remember it anymore, but every once and a while I see a glimmer of it.
I wish you the best in all of your dreaming.
~Backtoschooljen~
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apropos…
“It takes courage to dream, and step out onto a ledge that isn’t there yet, and will it into being.”
– Holly Erwin –
What are you waiting for Friend? Your dreams will not come to you until you can connect a bridge to them. And the bridge cannot connect until you ‘will’ it to and your ‘will’ will not be concrete until you fill it with the love you have for your dreams. If your dreams are worth living then fill them only with the love of your dreams and not the need of them. Love does not need to know how your dreams will unfold; only fear does.
The UNIVERSE
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“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” Carl Jung
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This tidbit from DailyOm touches on that anxiety I’ve sometimes come across with ‘dreams’, and the dialogue in my head where I tell myself (after observing the fact) that focusing on something ‘positive’ often just takes the edge off of that primal impulse to break through via struggle. Then you’re just left with niceties and move along with your day. It’s a matter of clarity often, having clearer notions of these ‘dreams’. Almost has a reverse effect, pondering the nature of dreams turns me off of them as a concept…again bringing it back to the need for a harder form of what it means, subjectively….
Anyway, without further ado:
“Although it is healthy to dream about the things you want, you might find that when you think too far into the future about something that is uncertain and perhaps even difficult to attain, you feel worse about the way things currently are in your life. Perhaps you can observe this by watching your mind today, making note of how often your thoughts are in a time frame other than the present and how those thoughts make you feel. If you find that looking ahead is making you down, then, you can gently mentally remind yourself to come back to the present moment. Being aware of where your imagination takes you could make you more appreciative of what you have in your life right now.
Our dreams are much more effective when are conscious of the effect they have on our lives in the present. Thinking about the future may at first feel fun and creative – as if we are designing our lives, but when those thoughts take us too far away from our lives, they lose their effectiveness. While it is important to have visions about our future, we also need to be cautious about getting too far outside of ourselves. As you become more mindful about the nature of your dreams and the feelings they arouse today, you will have a greater appreciation of everything you already have.”
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I’ve been reading this blog for a couple of weeks now and finally decided to bite the bullet and come on board. I made that decision mainly because of the amazing community spirit that there seems to be going on here. The posts from unmaskd are great, but I think the feedback from everybody is what is making all of this so special. So here I am. I am fascinated by concepts of Time and I love the reference in this post to moments marching away from us. I think about that idea a lot, and I worry that the decisions I make will somehow use up precious Time if they turn out to be bad decisions. I know that no one can see into the future and we all have to follow the dream that calls to us at that moment but the nagging fear is always there in the back of my mind- “am I doing the right thing?” “what if this turns out to be the worst decision ever?” “can I catch up on the Time I feel I’ve missed by going down the wrong path?” I think you have to go with your gut with a lot of things in life, and I try to, despite all these worries. I wonder if maybe it all ends up the same in the end anyway, no matter what direction you take. Or more likely, the decisions that you thought were so important at the time, turn out to be less so in the end.
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Hindsight is 20/20–I know I’ve stated this before, but it’s true. Look back to your childhood and/or teen years and chances are early on you knew what you wanted but either forgot or you haven’t put the puzzle pieces together yet–but it’s all there. You may even be living a lifestyle that doesn’t match your beliefs or a life that couldn’t possibly fit into what you’re passionate about. I remember being inspired by the words “you are what you eat” (clue) in health class taught by an overweight teacher while I was a skinny undernourished junk food junkie kid. Later in life, I smoked, drank, ate horribly, etc. like many people in their late teens and early 20’s. Getting to my point, back then, hearing those words was the beginning of my journey toward my passion but I only realized it when I kept naturally gravitating toward health. I was hungry to learn about holistic health, vitamins, etc. and it really contradicted my lifestyle yet my ears would perk up on health related topics (clue), so I got glimpses that would show their face despite the circumstances I put myself in–I did healthy and unhealthy things at the same time, but clearly I couldn’t continue living that way just because of who I hung out with or who I was dating. Why was I being such a chameleon? Because I was so focused on wanting to get married and have babies that I didn’t know what I wanted beyond that! I did pursue some classes and training pointing in health’s direction (clues) but the marriage desire was stronger. Over the years my life became less of what did not coincide with health as I implemented more learning about health and changing my ways to what I believed was healthy but it was a long, gradual back and forth process. A couple years ago my husband said, “you’re not the woman I married” (in hindsight, when dating him I was becoming more of him and less of me not even realizing it but I was so agreeable back then) and I said, “wouldn’t you rather I grow and change than being the same person I was 11 years ago–I’m glad you’ve grown and are not the same guy I married–you’re even better now”. (Side note–I think a woman becomes stronger and more independent when she becomes a wife and mother). Anyway, my poor hubby had to get used to me and the kids becoming vegetarians and I also don’t drink anymore–he loves cooking, wining and dining–major adjustment. My point is, I am still me but being true to myself and you don’t always realize who you are or even your passions in life, but if you look back at your life, you will clearly see clues to who you truly are and what it is you want and should be doing with your life and that is how you know you’re making the right decisions. So areweoutoftime, even if you make the wrong decisions, your dream/passion will keep on pursuing you until you realize the direction you must go and then there will be no doubt, you will know and all your decisions from that point on will be the right ones in the right direction for you if they are what help you pursue your dream/passion. To save yourself time, you need to spend time looking back and see what you naturally gravitate toward and what excites you and from that point on, all the decisions you make should coincide with that passion–you’ll be living your dream a lot quicker if you do.
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So here I am..thinking. It’s a neverending occurence with me 😉 I just realized that my Dream requires a couple different levels. It’s not just going to come to me in entirety..it can’t. That being said, I hope to God I don’t run out of time. My Dream has got me thinking about the first level I need to achieve before freedom and what it will mean to the outcome and what it means right now. I’m thinking about what it will take to achieve it and somewhat quickly. I’d die if my clock ran out. But I’m learning many valuable things along the way so that’s a positive, right? Phew..
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Do we stick with what we know
Or go with what we *know* …
The clue lies within the head
But it glows within the Heart…
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Something curious is happening…I wonder if it has anything to do with this website and doing my homework as I think and write. For the first time in 9 years, things are beginning to change where the part of my dream that was not possible may be possible (remember I let go and accepted the part about not being able to be an at home mom)! In the past 9 months, we’ve had some major financial struggles because of my husband’s career changes, but 3 months ago it led him to working from home with a company that was straight commission and it’s now starting to become fruitful. Within the next 6 months to a year, I may have the opportunity to be the at home wife and mom I so desire to be. The kids aren’t babies anymore, but I wouldn’t be bound to my desk working at a job, especially in the summer and we can do fun things together as I teach them without them even realizing they’re learning. You’d be amazed at the amount of knowledge they have about health at ages 7 and 8 1/2 already! I bought them a little treat of non-dairy ice cream and tonight when I offered it to them, my son said, “please mom, would you make some of your healthy homemade fruit ice cream instead”! On a different occasion, we were at the health food store after school and my son was hungry so I was going to buy him a little snack and he requested some of their homemade vegetarian soup instead! I realized that because they’re vegetarians, they’re a little different from the norm of school children and it is empowering them to stand up for their differences and hopefully down the road it will help them deal with peer pressure. They understand how their body communicates to them by the way it feels (symptoms) and what it takes to nourish it properly to maintain good health. (Okay, little tangent there, but I am proud of what they know and implement at such young ages because they are making their own choices as I provide them with the tools for success!) Back to the dream…If things continue to go well with my husband’s new job, I may be able to change paths and while the kids are at school, when I’d normally be working, I would be able to go back to college and get my degree in what I’m passionate about! Then after having the credibility of a degree in Alternative Medicine, I want to write a book. I’ve known since I was little that there’s a book inside me (I think everyone has a book inside to write)–I’m still not sure exactly what it will be (probably something to do with food and children), but I will know when I get to that point. My degree is the first step and it looks a lot closer than I ever thought it would be–I wouldn’t have to wait for the kids to get a little older before I get my degree! Another one of my dreams I remembered in doing my homework, was to be an entrepreneur and go into business with my husband way before I was even old enough to have a boyfriend (that was the picture in my head of a happy marriage, working together for a purpose better achieved together). I don’t want to get all excited for nothing, but as it seems right now, there is a good possibility of that also happening and that was never a possibility in the past. I always saw myself as my husband’s assistant–even though I have my own dreams, I want to assist him in his business and what I’m passionate about may eventually fit into his business. The other nice thing is that his strengths are my weaknesses and my strengths are his weaknesses and after many years of marriage, I can truly say that we really do complement each other even though we’re very different.
I’m wondering if circumstances are starting to change for any of you because you’re doing your thinking and writing as a result of Unmaskd’s posts. Perhaps the experiment is starting to blossom and we can start to see how this blog is changing lives!
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The sound I pair up in my head with these lyrics is Neil Young’s “Heart of Gold” with acoustic guitar and harmonica on this one. Can you hear it too?
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Every rhymed line I write has a melody attached to it — they just come out this way. Curiously enough, while the melody of “The Dream” has little — if anything — in common with “Heart of Gold”, the mood is similar and acoustic guitar is certainly a way to go for it.
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When I write, I don’t have a tune to it. It’s just pure heart and emotion heard in quietness. Being Mother’s Day today, I think of writing like the miracle of life–it grows deep inside and when it’s time there is no stopping it from being born. The past several years lyrics have opened up for me like poetry and more than ever before I enjoy music for the art of it. When I choose to and have the time to listen, I put on headphones and I listen to the words, I listen to the melody and I listen to them together and I feel the feeling. Sometimes I listen over and over to really hear the writer’s heart and just float on a raft in it.
If you care to read a musing I wrote and posted on my tumblr site, it is dated May 4th–it’s different than anything I’ve ever written. It does not rhyme and for the first time it’s actually something I like that doesn’t sound so cookie cutter full of rhyme and I have to say it’s got to be because of coming here and leading me to unlock my expression.
Just to clarify, I didn’t mean for “The Dream” to be sung over the tune “Heart of Gold”. You better expressed what I was trying to say…the same mood to it.
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Does “Waiting for You” by Matthew West work for you on this one?
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Last night I thought of another song as I was drinking some tea. Is it cinnamon you crave? I made another post for you but it won’t be up long because it is for you only. You know where to look for it.
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Blogger
I’ll never know you walking down a street
If by chance we happen to meet
Through your eyes I see your soul
Your heart you’ve shared is pure gold
The keys you hold in your hand
Take me seeking to find them
Then I realize I have keys too
For my own plight to find my truth
In my world you only exist
On a screen you’re like the mist
Lurking there above the water
Showering readers with such power
Bearing your soul your words are unmaskd
For the legacy you write I want to say thanks
For bringing me out from the shore
By sharing the depths of your heart’s core
——-
Thank you Unmaskd for what started out as an experiment that has evolved into a website to frequent in unlocking creativity and discovering the unlimited potential that every one of us has inside!
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