The Trick of Alternation

Nothing worthy can be achieved overnight. There’s a long road to walk. And to walk that road you need fuel. Something to keep you brain and soul committed. A good option is obsession — it’ll get you far. Unfortunately you can be obsessed over anything only for so long. At some point obsession wears off. That’s how our brains are wired — we seek novelty. On the other hand, pure cold logic won’t get you far either. It lacks fire. It lacks passion. It’s simply too cold too keep you going for too long.

The trick is in the alternation. Set your eyes on the goal. Be sure it’s the right one. Make sure you have passion — better yet feel that you’re obsessed. Then go. But once you feel that your passion is no longer as strong as it used to be, let your cold logic kick in. Forget emotions. Just go. Just keep going, step after step, mile after mile, even if you’re completely numb. And then, as you get closer and closer to your goal, your passion will come back. Your cold calculated monotonous movement toward the goal will get you to the results that will refuel your obsession — and it will come back ten time stronger.

Alternation. Has it ever worked for you?

Accept/Refuse: Video Version

I’ve been pondering over the future directions of Unmaskd Inc and will post the results here this week. In the meanwhile here’s a video version of Accept/Refuse. Kudos to Animoto.com for creating a very useful and simple to use service and to Mike Gallagher for his The Party’s On instrumental, which made a great intense soundtrack for the video.

A Journey Interrupted

[tweetmeme source= “unmaskd” only_single=false]

Sometimes I feel an urge to look,
To peer deep inside
To ponder over vows I took
To dive into my mind.

I want to travel deepest thoughts,
To face my deepest fears,
And to untie a million knots
I’ve tied over the years.

I hold my breath, I concentrate
I see the lighted way
I glide into a weightless state
That takes me far away.

And as I’m just about to fly
I hear some loud voice
It must be it! I’ll reach the sky!
I will– wait… what’s that noise?

And slowly slowly one by one
The words are coming in
“You idiot! You think you’re done?
Come back! Where have you been?”

And with a deep regretful sigh
I leave my dreamy shrine
That stupid voice is always right
And after all it’s mine.

A Letter From a Swamp

[tweetmeme source= “unmaskd” only_single=false]

As I have recently mentioned in my rather spontaneous Tumblr post, my approach to everything in life can be described in three simple words: Feel. Think. Do. I’ve also mentioned that occasionally I skip a step or two before getting to  step 3. Which is why I’m writing this post. At first, I felt like writing it, and without giving it much of a thought, jumped to the final step. Then the thinking part of me woke up and yelled, Whoa!! Are you nuts?? And so the writing process got stopped before it had a chance to begin.

Why? Because unlike other posts it wasn’t going to paint a pretty picture of me. Pretty ugly, maybe, but certainly not pretty. I’m hardly a narcissist, but usuallyI prefer to project an image of someone strong, smart and decisive. This post would do exactly the opposite. So I almost decided to label the whole idea as stupid, when it suddenly hit me. Wait a second, I thought, have I just turned writing as Unmaskd into a PR exercise? Have I just decided not to write a post just because it would make me look bad? The very point of going Unmaskd was to be completely open. Plus, something useful may come out of it. Actually, that’s I wanted to write it in the first place. So here I am, writing this post.

We are all familiar with the dreaded P-word. Procrastination is like sex: even if you have never had it, you have heard about it. So let me share another secret of mine: when it comes to procrastination, I’m not an expert. I’m The Expert. There are so many people who would procrastinate over little things, clean up their desks frantically every time they need to write something simple, postpone chores and do other stuff like that. Amateurs. The real procrastinator is above these petty attempts. I can go on for weeks or months plowing through unpleasant tasks like a bulldozer. The real procrastination is about something else. It’s about hitting the bottom. And a rock bottom it is. I can go on for a very long time. But then one day, one moment I face something I just don’t want to do. It could be the same task I’ve done before, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I just don’t feel like doing it. And then it happens. All it takes is a single moment of weakness. A single let-me-do-this-thing-first action. And the next moment I’m gliding down the slippery path to hell.

One by one useless accomplishments fill the time. They take the same time it would’ve taken me to accomplish that task I didn’t feel like doing. Then they take more. Then much more. But that’s not the worst part. The worst part is with every minute I feel my will being taking away from me. It’s like watching sand flowing down the hourglass hole. I can feel it. That sensation is almost physical. It’s almost like feeling your brain being slowly wrapped in soft cotton wool. Round and round. Layer by layer. Until even thinking itself becomes a serious effort. And I although I know I can stop this, in fact I really can’t. It just goes on and on, leaving me with less and less willpower.

Of course, as it happens I’m still functioning. Of course, I can have a conversation and I appear to others just like my normal self. But deep inside I know that my will is almost gone. There’s just small part of it left somewhere in a dark corner of my brain, while it goes on its autopilot. And I let it go. Sometimes for hours. Sometimes for days. And I tell you, I hate these moments.

You already know when happens next. Yes, I find strength to stop this. I always find enough will to get me out of that mental swamp. And I get out it, and I accomplish that stupid task that had sent me into that procrasti-state, and I do whatever I decide to do. Once I hit the bottom and I actually jump pretty high out of the water. But I know that one day, it will hit me again.

The saddest part of all this is that once I find strength to fight off the p-bug, I am really good at whatever I do. I accomplish things that are pretty much off limits for many less fortunate people. And people look at my accomplishments and go, “Wow! This is great, how did you do that?” But I’m hardly proud. I know that had it not been for these moments I could have accomplished things that would make whole world go “Wow!” I’ve known this for a fact since I was a kid. But this doesn’t change anything. Because one way or another I always find way to that swamp. It’s like trying to become the running champion of the world while having concrete blocks chained to your feet.

So that’s my procrastination story. Now if you excuse me I have to get back to a little task I have to accomplish…

Oh, and one last thing. In case you have ever experienced procrastination yourself, here’s a question for you. A question that probably will send an icy chill down your spine, especially if you really think about. When you find yourself procrastinating it’s not you anymore who controls your actions. Right? At least it’s not your consciousness, not what you associate yourself with. Yet, you still take some actions.

So if it’s not you who is in control, then who is it?

Why Dreams Don’t Always Come True or Cinderella Delusion Syndrome

This post is longer than usual, since originally it was written as a guest post for a well known motivation site. However, upon receiving the draft, the site’s editor decided not to publish it. I leave it up to you to decide what in the post might have triggered that reaction.

Unless you happened to spend the last year living under a rock or in some other place with limited connection to the outside world, you know who Susan Boyle is. The instant Internet sensation, called by many the modern day Cinderella, she became a household name nearly overnight. That night she also become a source of inspiration for thousands of aspiring singers around the world. At the mind-boggling 9 million copies sold, her first solo album became the biggest selling album in the world for 2009. And this year she has held Susan’s Search – an online search for the lucky winner who will duet with her on her second album. Anyone interested in participating could do so by simply singing Silent Night into a camera and uploading the video to Susan’s YouTube channel.

So far it all sounds sweet, doesn’t it? Well, brace yourself since it going to get bitter very quickly. But first, let’s get a couple of things straight. I have nothing but respect for Susan Boyle. I think she deserves her fame and instant wealth 100%. She’s indeed a true source of inspiration and a real-life reminder that some dreams — no matter how bold — do come true. This post is not about her. I also respect the choice of everyone who decided to participate in Susan’s Search. All the luck to all of you and may the best win. This post is not about them. What is it about? It’s about something that for the lack of better term I call CDS: Cinderella Delusion Syndrome.

You remember the story, right? More specifically, the Disney’s version of that centuries old tale. Yes, the “Have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling” happily-ever-after story. That one. You know how the story goes even if you’ve never seen the movie. A poor girl, terrorized by her cruel stepmother and stepsisters, an oversized pumpkin, a pair of glass shoes, a midnight chase… So here’s a question for you. What is the story’s key message? One… two… three… Okay, let me give you my answer. The message is, “Keep dreaming and your dreams will come true”. Throughout the entire movie poor Cinderella does nothing but dreams her dream. Sure, she busy doing chores, singing and occasionally crying, but as far as doing anything to make her dream come true, there isn’t a single step she ever takes. Her most notable achievement is following simple get-out-of-the-palace-before-midnight instructions to the letter. This post isn’t a movie review, so I’m not going to analyze Cinderella’s character or discuss grave reality of poor girl’s circumstance. This post is about the message. The message “Keep dreaming and your dreams will come true” is not entirely accurate. To be more precise, it’s a blatant lie. The real world doesn’t work this way. Never has, never will. Otherwise, all poor orphans would’ve been marrying a prince or at least a common millionaire.

When it comes to dreams, the world’s true mantra, the last time I checked was somewhat different: “Work your butt off making your dreams come true and then maybe it will happen”. That’s how the world really works, and that’s why you know who Susan Boyle is. It’s not because she was doing chores patiently, waiting for producers to show up in her yard. It’s because she was working on her dream for decades. Now 49, she’s been singing her entire adult life. She’s been entering local competitions, losing some and winning others. She’s been creating demos and sending them out to producers all over U.K. She’s been dedicating herself to her dream and has been the exact opposite of dreamy Cinderella. That line from Wikipedia says it all: “In 1999, Boyle used all her savings to pay for a professionally cut demo, copies of which she later sent to record companies, radio talent competitions, local and national TV”.

And now Susan is about to make someone almost as famous as is. Someone unknown, someone talented, someone lucky (actually by the time this post got published, Susan has already picked the winner — American medic Amber Stassi). What about the rest? There are thousands of entries in Susan’s Search Gallery. Men and women, old and young from all over the world. Behind every entry is hope. Behind every entry is a dream. What will happen to these dreams now, that the winner is picked? Are they going to get crushed? Will people move on? Will they forget about the whole thing? Actually, it’s all of the above.

People who’ve been working on making their dreams come true will simply cross Susan’s Search off a very long list of competitions they’ve entered. People who have simply jumped on the opportunity will forget about it. And people who haven’t done much for their dreams before, but somehow thought this was The Chance will be disappointed. Some may even feel heartbroken. Because this is not how fairy tales work. Because it was supposed to be that easy. But alas… it isn’t. For a single chance to work, you need to try tens, hundreds, thousands of other changes. Success is a volume business.

Whether you are one of these people or someone with a dream, expecting it to come true one day, thanks to something like Susan’s search, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t fall victim to CDS. If you have a dream – a real dream, one that makes your heart go faster – go after it. Go after it, or don’t deceive yourself. You don’t need fairy godmothers to get a chance. These days, if you have talent, all you need is your will. Do whatever it is you wanted to be great at and share it with the world. Create your very own YouTube channel, start your blog, post your photos on Flickr – there are hundreds of ways to let people see you shine. Do it day after day, week after week, month after month. Listen to people’s reaction, find inspiration in their words, get better every time. And if you’re good – if you’re that good – people will notice. They will start telling others about you. They come back asking you for more. They will help you to become even better. And one day that dream will come true.

Fairy tales don’t happen. But those who are not afraid to go after their dreams sometimes become legends.

The Dream

To everyone who knows what I mean.
Don’t give it up.

THE DREAM

When I was a kid I had a dream
Though I didn’t call it that way
At times it would glimmer, at times it would gleam
But it was with me every day.

Then childhood was over, you know how it feels,
And the rest of the life began.
And somebody told me that dreams don’t pay bills
And I traded my dream for a plan.

My life is so decent,
I’m smiling because I can
But some weird emptiness grows inside
That wasn’t part of the plan.

My days were full of people and words,
And sleep often seemed like a prize.
The facets of shining in distance awards
Kept whispering, “Reach for the skies!”

The ride wasn’t always as smooth as a glide
Though life often felt like a waltz,
I found my place and I found my stride,
And I traded my plan for goals.

My life is so decent,
I’m smiling because I can
But emptiness grows inside me slowly
That wasn’t part of the plan.

Sometimes at night when time is so slow
There’s this moment when
I’m asking myself if the dream I let go
Was part of somebody’s plan?

As moments keep calmly marching away
There’s one thing I know
There will be a day I will find my way
To the dream I had years ago.

A 1-Minute Dream Test

Having a dream is as human as eating. Perhaps even more human, for horses eat too, while androids dream of electric sheep, but that’s besides the point. We all have dreams we want to achieve one day. Or do we?

Sure, we all (mostly) want to be rich and famous and all that jazz. But is that The Dream? The one that would make you completely happy once accomplished. The one that dwarfs any other dream you have? And if this is not your Dream, than what is? Is it that house you’ve always wanted to buy? That novel you’ve always wanted to write? That guitar you’ve always wanted to master?

True to our human nature, we have more questions than answers. Spotting that dream only leads to more questions. Is this the right dream? Worse, is it attainable? What if it’s a wrong dream? What it’s an impossible-to-achieve dream? What if I spend years chasing it, only to fail, or even worse — achieve it and realize that I don’t really care?

What if– you know what, forget what-ifs. Let ‘em go. Throw them into garbage where they belong. For some reason people ask me for advice, so here’s my advice on the subject. It’s just my opinion, so take it for it’s worth. I’ll tell you what works for me.

There’s only one way to know if the dream you have is The Dream: you have to believe in it with all you heart. Well, duh, you’re likely saying now, thank you for nothing. What’s that supposed to mean? Well it means precisely that. Once you get a hold of The Dream you will know. There will be no doubt left in your mind, heart, soul or whatever it is that makes us tick. You WIll Know. If you’re not sure, if you don’t really feel right about it, if it’s something others expect you to do, but you don’t care for, if it sounds great, but doesn’t make you go “Yess!”… then more likely than not, it is not The Dream. Now, it’s fine to chase it, but you can expect some disappointment once you reach it.

And in case you do have a dream, but still don’t know if it’s The Dream, here’s a very simple test to try. Choose the pastime you enjoy the most. Not your dream, just the stuff you like to do. Watching TV, going out with friends, skying, diving, reading mysteries, woodworking… you know what it is. Now imagine not doing that activity for a year. Completely. 100%. Instead think of spending every minute of your spare time going after your dream. Next, imagine yourself still not achieving that dream 12 month from now. Making some progress, yes, but not achieving. And now.. yep, here’s the catch.. imagine yourself still being happy at that point about that choice you made a year ago. The choice to forget about your favorite pastime for 365 days to chase a dream and still not achieving it. How does it feel? If you can seriously imagine yourself being happy about that choice, you’re staring at your Dream. If you can’t, that’s not your Dream. It may be still a nice thing to after, but don’t fool yourself.

For no pastime can top the feeling of going after The Dream. Your Dream.

The Ultimate Motivator

[tweetmeme source= “unmaskd” only_single=false]Motivation. The Holy Grail of anyone who wants to achieve anything. Apparently it is not enough to want something badly. We also need to be motivated, whatever it means. We need a reason to go and do things we think we want. Just wishing isn’t sufficient. “Motivate me!” we demand, looking around for help.

And we turn to wise quotes and self-help books, motivational speakers and Dr. Phil, insightful movies and success stories. We want the world to bless us, as we set about to do things. We want that tap on the shoulder. Or a good kick in the butt — whatever works. And we get this motivation somewhere and start working on that thing we’ve always wanted. But then a day, a week, a month passes by — and we run out of motivational fuel. And we start seeking it again.

If this sounds familiar, I have good news and even better news for you. Good news: I’ve found the one, the only, the ultimate Motivator. The better news: I’m about to share it with you. But wait, it gets even better. Unlike many sources of motivation, this one can be used as often as you’d like. And every time it will be as good in producing that tapping/kicking effect as the first time.

Interested? Ready? Sure? Keep in mind, it won’t be pretty. Still interested? Okay, here’s the best way to motivate yourself in 3 simple steps.

1. Think of that goal you’ve always wanted to achieve. You know, like writing that book, learning that skill, visiting that place.
2. Think of the maximum age when it’s still going to be possible and meaningful. You won’t be learning how to surf when you’re 60. And when you are 50 most stuff gets harder to do than when you were 30.
3. Go to any countdown counter site like this one and enter the date when you will be turning that age.

You will see the number of days, hours, minutes and seconds that separate you from that moment. The moment when your dream will no longer be possible to come true. Now watch the seconds. Watch them ticking away, taking the time left slice by slice away from you. Better yet wait until you see a minute go away. This is all the time you will ever have to achieve your goal. This is your life being wasted right in front of you. Watch it. Feel it. See it getting away. Nothing can stop that counter. Nothing.

If this doesn’t motivate you, nothing will.